Making Difficult decisions

Sometimes we are faced with choices. These may be choices to change your life course. Or to move someplace new. Perhaps start a new job, or relationship.

Choices can lead to big changes in your life. And so it is normal to be a little anxious. Most choices require an active decision on your part. Do you take the new path or stick to what you know? What is the right choice for you? What to do… What to do?

How to make a decision

One time, when I had to make a big decision, I spoke to a colleague who advised me to make a list of all the pros and all the cons of the possible choices, and then make a decision based on that.

This idea of running through the pros and cons seems sensible. It seems logical, but it doesn’t work for me. On that occasion, even if I did the list and decided that one of the choices was better, I still found myself second-guessing and pondering again on my choices. I would basically keep changing my mind. Not good.

I think that human life is not always logical. Certainly not the way I live it. I prefer an intuitive approach.

This made me think of something the British philosopher Alan Watts once said when making decisions. It went something like this – ‘you spend hours and hours going through the pros and cons of a decision, and then finally when the time comes to make a choice, instead, you make a snap decision based on how you feel’.

Yes, this sounds right to me.

Listening to your internal advisor

The advice that really speaks to me came from the Russian author Vadim Zeland, in his book series called ‘Reality Transurfing

Reality Transurfing.jpg

Vadim says that if you have to really convince yourself to go ahead with a particular decision, then this is the heart speaking to you that it is not right.

He believes that your heart knows on a deeper level what is right for you and what is wrong.

I have learnt that if you feel any unease deep in your heart over a decision, or you have to convince yourself to make a decision a certain way, then it is not the right path.

I recall something my driving instructor once told me many years ago, when I was learning to drive. She said, ‘when you are at a junction and you are not sure whether you can go, then don’t go’.

One example from my own life was the choice to move to a different part of the country for work. Though logically, it seemed a good choice to take. I could never shake the feeling that it was wrong for me. There was a lot of doubt in my heart and mind.

In the end, I overrode my heart, and chose what I thought was the logical decision. I moved but it didn’t work out. Even after making the decision, I could never shake the feeling that it was the wrong choice. Numerous small obstacles came up. My family was unhappy. In the end, it didn’t work out, and I ended up backtracking, but I lost time and money doing so. Fortunately in the end, I also learnt from this experience. I learnt that I had to trust my heart and intuition more and listen to it, when making big decisions.

The alternative space

The Russian author Vadim Zeland talks about the ‘alternative space’ – a different dimension or reality, which your heart is tuned into. This means that your heart (not the physical organ) sees the different possibilities, realities or future behind a choice.

On the other hand, the mind (which we tend to use when making decisions), attempts to use logic, but probably more likely operates on past-conditioning when making decisions. The mind may also operate from a perspective of fear or survival and can override any messages coming from the heart. You can think of the heart as intuition. Also what we call the ‘gut feeling’.

I believe that if we can follow our heart, it can lead us to a more fulfilling and prosperous experiences in life.

Anxiety and Fear

A choice to do something new or different can be scary. It is natural to feel some fear when embarking on a new endeavour. But you have to distinguish whether this fear is just the normal kind of anxiety a person can get from doing something new, or whether it is a message from the heart telling you that this is the wrong choice for you.

A sense of fear and anxiety when doing new things is normal and will help you to grow if you overcome it. On the other hand, a sense of unease about a decision may well be the heart directly communicating to you from the ‘alternative space’, that this particular decision is not right and can lead to an undesirable outcome.

Fear or Heart?

If decisions scare you, you should judge whether this fear is because you are being challenged or stretched in a way that you are unfamiliar with, but which may be good for your development. Or is it fear, because your heart is communicating with you that it is the wrong decision?

If the heart is communicating to you that it is a wrong choice, the feeling will be heavier and tied in with a sense of foreboding. The choice simply feels wrong, regardless of whether it would be best for you from a logical standpoint. It may also be a choice that you have to continuously persuade yourself to do, or one where you can’t stop having doubts about it, even after making a decision.

Signposts

I also believe that life throws us small signposts or synchronicities when you embark on a new life or path that is in tune with your spiritual and life development. These are signs from the universe that you are going the right way. So just keep going.

These signposts may be things like meeting a new person that you totally in tune with. Or even obstacles simply disappearing from in front of you, making the path smoother. It may even be money flowing to you, to encourage you on your way.

On the contrary, when you are not in tune with a decision or choice, you may find many small annoyances or obstacles keep coming up. For example, you may meet more annoying people, who just keep turning up in your life. Or perhaps if you move somewhere new, small things keep breaking down – and you have to deal with them. It may seem coincidental but I don’t believe such things are. They are negative synchronicities.

When a choice you make is in tune with your heart, then the decision will make you excited even if it will be difficult. These feelings are good indicators that it is the right path and is likely to lead to all sorts of interesting experiences in life.

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Courage and Taking New Paths


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References

Reality Transurfing Steps I-V. Vadim Zeland. 2016

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Japanese garden bridge – Silvia Lüthi.  akupunkturplus.ch

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